The Scared Society

I went out on a limb and titled this “The Scared Society,” not because I think the title really drives the point home, but because I think it leaves the discussion open to many different possible avenues. So, what am I really trying to get at here? What is our society so scared of? It’s not what you might think. It isn't terrorism. It isn't world hunger (although you can argue that the rate of obesity in America is some kind of premeditative method for preventing such a thing).  It isn't death or being financially unstable. It’s something much deeper than what floats around on the surface. It’s internal. Society is scared of being themselves. And I don’t just mean they are scared of walking around doing what comes natural, though that is a large part of it. They are scared of what that might mean to other people. They are scared what societal spot light might be shown on them for “going against the grain.” We see what happens to people who act out. Many times, on the highest level, they are bashed in the media. “So and so is crazy, look what he or she did tonight at 9.” No one wants to be that person, the person who is looked at with disapproving eyes. No one wants to be the person who got extremely aggravated and did something violent. No one wants to be chastised for being expressive. Ahhh ha! There it is. We found it. No one wants to be looked at “differently” for being expressive. That’s a good place to go next.

Your Authentic Self

I’ll give you a little story to help off load some of the burden of thinking this kind of stuff only happens to you. When I was very young, think 3 to 7, I was probably the most expressive kid anyone knew. I have proof. One Christmas at my uncle’s house, I got a gift I had wanted more than any other gift ever in the history of getting gifts. When I opened it, I was so excited I stood up on a coffee table and announced to the world (well, the living room of 15 people), every explainable detail of that gift. I was the most proud kid in the world. I was being authentic, I was being myself. There was another time when I set up a broadcasting table in my living room and ran through play after play on video tape of me and my brother catching the football. I had very little idea what I was talking about, but I loved it. And I did it because of loved it, and because that is who I am. Somewhere along the line I lost that. Something happened. My guess is, when I was that age, my expressiveness was too much for those around me to handle. So after while of being told to “be quiet” or being somehow blunted during my expressive moments, I learned that those around me could not handle who I was, authentically. And so over the years I regressed. I stopped being myself, because who I was could not be handled, and it in fact stressed people out. To a child, being themselves and being “liked” or, put more beautifully, having an emotional connection to a parent or guardian, is vastly more important to their safety than being authentic. This is very common with children these days, and I believe we are seeing more of it than we ever have.

How Did I Lose My Authenticity?

So what does a kid learn when he or she's authentic self is stunted in childhood? Well, my experience is, they learn that what comes natural is to be tamed. They learn self-control. They learn that their thoughts must be wrestled with, that what comes natural must be analyzed, reviewed by a board of qualified brain parts, tested again by a double blind review team, and then eventually published. Only the final form looks nothing like the original draft. If you were to compare the two, you’d notice a dramatic decrease in personality of the piece. Then you could take that final draft and look at a few different final drafts. You would likely find similarities, shared ideas. You might even ask if it was plagiarized, or if those two people worked on that idea together. And soon, what you really see is uniformity. You see the same thing mass produced, because that is how we do things now. We like everything to be the same. And from that we are told we have similarities, that we fit in, and fitting in is associated with social status and being “normal.” What is sad about that is, we have people who are depressed and unaware why. Something happens to them and they break down. They feel lost, unsupported, confused. So they turn to distractions because they don’t know what is causing this problem, and they are exhausted by trying to understand it. But what is really going on here, if you can take a moment to step outside your own version of this (believe me, I was getting lost in recalling moments of my life in relation to this as well)? What is really going on, what chronic depression really is, is a state of being disconnected from your true self. It is ignoring that little voice inside you that says “This isn't the career you really want to be in,” or “You can’t keep doing this just for the money,” and “You don’t really agree with that point of view, why did you say that?” Over the years, we have been told not to trust the voices in our heads, that they are some psychotic tumor or disease. And because of this, many of us get scared of what we think. We think there is something wrong with us, that we are crazy. But in fact that very voice, or collection of voices, is the guiding light to our true selves. They are the only thing we really have. It is our gut, it is the authentic self we have been told to suppress for so many years.

 How Do I Listen to My Gut?

I have a feeling some people are going to ask that, and so I think it is a good idea to talk about that here. This is a very good question even though it might seem like it has a simple answer. The answer is simple, but to listen to your gut, you have to shut out all the other noise. If you want to listen to your gut, do this. Go about your day. When something comes to you in a flash, do it. For example, I was at the grocery store the other day, and a lady at the register had a highlighted streak in her hair. My initial reaction was to compliment her on how it looked. Not because I wanted to hit on her, but because what I immediately thought was, “hey, that looks good on her.” What I did next was become neurotic. I started thinking too much, “Will she take it the wrong way?” “What if I sound creepy?” “What if her boyfriend is the guy bagging the groceries?” By the time I got to my turn in line, I had talked myself out of a simple compliment, all because I didn't just listen to my gut. Instead, I became worried because I over thought the whole thing. Following our gut is going with instinct. Everything else is neurosis.

Take the Risk

Now, oh how fun it is to start off a sentence with that word—you are probably thinking, “Well, great. So now I have to quit my job because I hate it and I rather be a painter. How will  I survive with no consistent income?" Quitting your job is no easy task. I've been let go, and I've quit one other job until I found the balls to just say, “Screw it, I don’t care about the consequences, I can’t stand being this depressed anymore.” It took a good 5 years for me to wake up, so don’t feel rushed. But, if you feel like you are simply spinning wheels, think about making a change. In the time I've quit my job, I've created more opportunities for myself than I ever thought I would. If you don’t know me, I can be extremely shy. I get anxiety attacks from introducing myself to people, saying goodbye at parties, and talking to people in group settings. So for me to simply talk myself out of that and contact 15 different gyms, 10 different businesses, and pursue leads that had potential, it was like I was a completely different person. But how? Two things, being depressed felt much worse than being a little nervous before a phone call or social interaction. Second, my passion for fitness, nutrition, and health as a whole destroyed my preconceived fears of the unknown. The unknown, as I have realized, is conquered by doing, not thinking. So I just did, and it made all the difference.

What to Walk Away With

I know I've touched on a series of ideas and likely some very personal feelings and emotions. But what can you take away from this that might help you get this gist of my point

• Be authentic. Do what comes to you. If you think something in an instant, that is probably your gut, and it is a good idea to follow it. Enjoy where it takes you.
• Thinking can be your worst enemy. Learn to reduce your thinking by following your gut. Thinking is created from preconceived notions that we inherently make bad choices. While this may be true for some of us, it is better to learn this way than to create neurotic thinking and suffer from being disconnected from our true selves.
• Many of the reasons we are depressed come from a loss of connection from ourselves. We gain that back by listening to our inner voice. We have a clearer inner voice by reducing the amount of distractions in our lives.
• Do what you love. Money is very much a real necessity in life. But money can be made doing anything, so do not get stuck thinking you have to work a job you don’t like just to survive. If you pursue a career that is aligned with your passion, that passion will shine through and you will be considered more heavily for a job you love than a job you don’t love.
• Express yourself. Be it through any medium (writing, blogging, vlogging, painting, drawing, exercise, etc.). Your expression is a gift to the world regardless of how the world views it. Embrace your passions and the passion will come back to you.

If Counting Calories Isn't For You But You Still Want Results

I can't argue much with science because I don't have any proof counting calories doesn't work-- but then again, that isn't what I am arguing. I've counted calories myself. And it has worked. It also made me a food Nazi, and not in a good way.

When I first started counting calories 9 years ago, I thought it was the best. I knew exactly what I was eating every day. I felt in control of my eating habits. I knew I was going to lose weight, I could prove it!

Then came the psychosis. One day I had 20 calories left to eat to be in a 200 calorie deficit. "Just leave it alone," I told myself. "The more of a deficit you create, the faster you will lose weight." But it didn't end there. Soon it was 50 calories under, then 100, then 200. I was slowly drifting into a "if less is good (in this case), even less it better." I stopped going out with friends. I spent my free time adding my food choices to an online database to keep track. I basically did nothing else with my life for that brief time. Then one day I just stopped. The pounds that I didn't even need to lose stopped looking like they were coming off. The reward no longer outweighed the seemingly impossible goal (six pack abs). And my life had become boring and unfulfilled. How did I get this far?

It's not uncommon, really. Especially if you have strong willpower. Many times people take counting calories too far. In fact, you could argue that counting calories to the last gram is a kind of neurosis. It's too micromanaged. It doesn't really work that way, health I mean. Not one of our ancestors ever sat and thought what a calorie even is. I'm sure they had sensations of overeating, or under eating. But I can't imagine that before bed they pondered if they got the low fat diary or the high fat, and if it was going to cause their calorie skews to go out of whack. That is usually where I like to bring people when I talk about this calories in, calories out business. But it doesn't always win the argument, cause they open up their phones or computers and show me the body of someone who counted calories and lost a ton of weight. At that point I don't even begin to argue counting calories won't work, because they are right. It does work. It does. If you want to go about it that way, which is a lot of work, you can. But for those of you who don't, there are some easier solutions, and it works in a baby step process.

Step 1: Track Your Meal Patterns for a Week

This doesn't have to be a crazy journal or anything. It could simply be a chart that has three squares for each day spread out through a week. All you need to do is describe what you ate. So if you had eggs, toast, bacon, and OJ for breakfast, you'd write that all in. Be honest with this. The point isn't to hide habits, foods you love, or anything you think might be judged. After all, you are the one who wants to make a change, and the person you are working with should be gentle with that. Not everyone can or should go cold turkey. After that week is done, give the list to the trainer or nutritionist you are working with. If you were working with me, the first thing I would do would be to ask you what your favorite foods are. Then I would ask you your typical weekly schedule (work hours, free time, bed time, etc). From there, I would set up a goal system with you that works with that you want, not necessarily what you "should" do. See, too many times trained professional will look at what a person eats and think, "oh, all you need to do here is eat more veggies, fruits, meats at dinner, cut back on the fast food, and you'll be fine." No way! Someone get the Noble Prize, this has never been thought of before! A strategy I think works is to look at the chart and count meals the client would say are junk food or not. I think it is important for the understanding to be there, and if you have her or him make that connection what they are eating, it doesn't just become a "here, fix me," type of mentality, it becomes a learning experience. This is ultimately the goal. So we have counted the number of junk food meals in a week. Typically if you are eating 3 meals a day, you will have 21 meals in the week. Let's say out of the week, our example client had 10 junk food meals out of 21. That's about 50%. In my opinion, that isn't bad, especially for someone who works a 9 to 5, or has kids, or doesn't know how to cook. Those are all things we can work around, but we aren't going to make the client feel like they have failed. Defeating attitudes never make a person better. So we have 10 meals that we want to look out to see if we can make changes. Again, the client is coming to me, for example, saying, "I want to change, help me figure out how." Based on whatever the number of junk food meals there are, I set up a plan for achieving a reduction in the amount of cheat meals. And I do this very slow. Every two weeks, I suggest that this person try to cut one junk food meal out of their week. In this case, we will only be cutting out 4 meals out of her or his currently existing 10. So over 12 weeks we are going to try to cut down to 4 junk food meals a week. Now, that might even be too low. Cause think about it, its the weekend, you are probably going to go out, and you will likely eat or drink something you would consider "junk." Maybe not, but we want to create a reasonable window. For example, three meals on the weekend you eat out-- Friday and Saturday night dinner, sunday morning breakfast. Now you have one meal left during the week if you forget to bring lunch, are in a rush, whatever. That might be too low for someone. So you let them experiment with it. Tell them to not worry about keeping that number 4, but if you can, strive for that to be the highest. They come back a week later and write that they have had 6 junk food meals in the week. This is perfectly fine, and you want to reassure them of that. Because the last thing you want to do with someone who is already making sacrifices is make them feel like what they have achieved so far is some how all for nothing. What I would do as a trainer is ask them about the 2 "extra" junk food meals they had. I want to know the story. Most the time, its cause they were busy. Work got crazy. Their kids had to go to a piano lesson and the only thing they could grab was something leftover from the last cheat (junk food) meal. So they did, cause eating is better than not eating. These are the stories I love to hear, because it means my client really did the best they could at the time. And I would never fault them for that. This is where the next preventative step comes in, meal prepping

Step 2: A Different Look at Meal Prepping

I would imagine just about everyone understands the concept of meal planning. What I don't think most people realize is that it doesn't have to be a entirely boring process, and that the food has to be bland and flavorless. If you are like the person in our above example, you eat out more than you'd like, and you want to do something about it. Another small step in achieving this goal is to cook the majoirty of your food, pack it away, and have it lined up for the coming week. The kind of meals you plan, at this stage, don't necessarily matter. Yes, we eventually we want to be eating healthier, but it is more important to start off making your own food, food you enjoy the same as junk food, but making it at home. Home cooking, believe it or not, is vastly more healthy than junk food, even if that food is basically the same, and often times cheaper than purchasing food at a diner, restaurant, or fast food joint. For example, lets say you love pasta. Pasta alone is a relatively simple dish. You have pasta noodles, sauce, some veggies if you want, and that is about it. If you buy that in bulk at the store, you will likely have two or three meals lined up for the price of one meal at an Olive Garden or Pasta Rev (I call dibs if that isn't a real place yet). By making your own food, you not only cut on food costs, but you likely wont be getting all those unhealthy additives they put in packaged foods. And you might not think additives due much to your health, or weight loss, but they do. Often times I find that if I ask a friend or family member to try removing one additive from their diet, they see a decrease in the number of headaches. That is because a lot of additives cross the blood brain barrier, seeping into your brain and causing inflammation. The key take away from this is: make your favorite meals at home first without sacrificing taste, calories, or macronutrients (carbs, fats, and proteins).

Step 3: Macronutrient Balance

Realizing the carbohydrates, fats, and proteins that you eat as causing your blood sugar (mood) to change is a very powerful tool. It is the next step of awareness once you have regulated the first two steps in this process. Believe it or not, although all food seems organic (meaning it comes from the earth, it is whole, and it is unlike that plastic fruit your grandmother keeps in her kitchen)-- not all food is the same. Yes, they might have similar nutrient profiles, but they can be misleading. Behinds the scenes, a lot is going on. A great example of this is dietary fat. For the longest time, people thought that saturated fat was the devils nutrient. This came about based on a study done by a man named Ancel Keys. The long and short of it is: Ancel went to a bunch of countries to see what overweight populations were eating. He documented these studies, but he didn't do it honestly. What he published was that saturated fat causes obesity in populations around the world. Problem is, this wasn't true everywhere. What was true was that some populations who consumed saturated fat were obese, and some populations that consumed saturated fat were in fact perfectly healthy. Why he was biased toward saturated fat causing disease and obesity is beyond me, but if I had to speculate, my theory is he was told to find it to promote the sales of vegetable oils, making some people very rich. That's just a theory though, I don't really know. But enough with the history lesson. The point is this: not everything we are told in the media in regards to health (or anything really) is true, and we should seek out those independent studies for a better idea as to what is going on. This is true for all the macronutrients. Another big one is carbohydrates. After fat took its turn at being the bullied kid at school, carbohydrates stepped in. With the rise in national disease, unhealthy weight gain, and early death, carbohydrates was the main dietary culprit. But why is this? Well, generally speaking, America eats a ton of food, period. Even when our macronutrients are balanced, we eat more than most countries. So that plays a roll on the whole. The other easy thing to see, if you have ever eaten carbohydrates, is they are really easy to consume, let a lone find. They are in everything, and they don't satiate you very well, cause by the time they get into the stomach, they are basically broken down into nothing. It is similar to how watermelon sized meteors break down in our earth's atmosphere; by the time they get to the surface, they are barely recognizable with a human eye, or even felt or tracked. So image this going on in your body. If you notice, when you eat a lot of carbohydrates, you really don't "feel" it until it is too late, and then you regret it. Trust me, I know. I love both ice cream and potatoes, and I have had many bouts with this phenomena. So why doesn't this happen with protein or fats? Well, in the simplest terms, think about the structure of protein and fat. I'm no chemist, but I know just from touch, and mouth feel that, generally, protein is pretty chewy and dense, and fat is just about the same with a little more fluidity (meaning, at least to me, that it can change forms-- liquid to solid and back again-- relatively easily). If you imagine each of these macronutrients individually, it is easier to understand how they interact in your body. I know this isn't hard science, but that isn't the point. If you apply this linear model, you can see how it is not carbohydrates that is to blame for Americas obesity, but you can say it makes sense why it is being blamed, Carbohydrates are perfectly fine most the time, but they are also the most altered and broken down food in the world. Types of carbohydrates will be covered in a separate post. All you really need to do is tweak your understanding, and you can fix the problem, at least seemingly. So, what is the take away point from this step? Eat your meals and snacks with a balances of all three macronutrients to avoid spikes in blood sugar (mood swings) and you will be on the path to a balanced and a healthier lifestyle.

After reading over this post, I realize I have covered a lot of information so far. In the name of not overwhelming anyone interesting is following this step by step approach, I will write about more techniques to sticking to your health goals in another post. This will also give me more time to condense the information I've learned. In conclusion, I appreciate that you read this article, and hope to find you in better health in the future.