The Scared Society

I went out on a limb and titled this “The Scared Society,” not because I think the title really drives the point home, but because I think it leaves the discussion open to many different possible avenues. So, what am I really trying to get at here? What is our society so scared of? It’s not what you might think. It isn't terrorism. It isn't world hunger (although you can argue that the rate of obesity in America is some kind of premeditative method for preventing such a thing).  It isn't death or being financially unstable. It’s something much deeper than what floats around on the surface. It’s internal. Society is scared of being themselves. And I don’t just mean they are scared of walking around doing what comes natural, though that is a large part of it. They are scared of what that might mean to other people. They are scared what societal spot light might be shown on them for “going against the grain.” We see what happens to people who act out. Many times, on the highest level, they are bashed in the media. “So and so is crazy, look what he or she did tonight at 9.” No one wants to be that person, the person who is looked at with disapproving eyes. No one wants to be the person who got extremely aggravated and did something violent. No one wants to be chastised for being expressive. Ahhh ha! There it is. We found it. No one wants to be looked at “differently” for being expressive. That’s a good place to go next.

Your Authentic Self

I’ll give you a little story to help off load some of the burden of thinking this kind of stuff only happens to you. When I was very young, think 3 to 7, I was probably the most expressive kid anyone knew. I have proof. One Christmas at my uncle’s house, I got a gift I had wanted more than any other gift ever in the history of getting gifts. When I opened it, I was so excited I stood up on a coffee table and announced to the world (well, the living room of 15 people), every explainable detail of that gift. I was the most proud kid in the world. I was being authentic, I was being myself. There was another time when I set up a broadcasting table in my living room and ran through play after play on video tape of me and my brother catching the football. I had very little idea what I was talking about, but I loved it. And I did it because of loved it, and because that is who I am. Somewhere along the line I lost that. Something happened. My guess is, when I was that age, my expressiveness was too much for those around me to handle. So after while of being told to “be quiet” or being somehow blunted during my expressive moments, I learned that those around me could not handle who I was, authentically. And so over the years I regressed. I stopped being myself, because who I was could not be handled, and it in fact stressed people out. To a child, being themselves and being “liked” or, put more beautifully, having an emotional connection to a parent or guardian, is vastly more important to their safety than being authentic. This is very common with children these days, and I believe we are seeing more of it than we ever have.

How Did I Lose My Authenticity?

So what does a kid learn when he or she's authentic self is stunted in childhood? Well, my experience is, they learn that what comes natural is to be tamed. They learn self-control. They learn that their thoughts must be wrestled with, that what comes natural must be analyzed, reviewed by a board of qualified brain parts, tested again by a double blind review team, and then eventually published. Only the final form looks nothing like the original draft. If you were to compare the two, you’d notice a dramatic decrease in personality of the piece. Then you could take that final draft and look at a few different final drafts. You would likely find similarities, shared ideas. You might even ask if it was plagiarized, or if those two people worked on that idea together. And soon, what you really see is uniformity. You see the same thing mass produced, because that is how we do things now. We like everything to be the same. And from that we are told we have similarities, that we fit in, and fitting in is associated with social status and being “normal.” What is sad about that is, we have people who are depressed and unaware why. Something happens to them and they break down. They feel lost, unsupported, confused. So they turn to distractions because they don’t know what is causing this problem, and they are exhausted by trying to understand it. But what is really going on here, if you can take a moment to step outside your own version of this (believe me, I was getting lost in recalling moments of my life in relation to this as well)? What is really going on, what chronic depression really is, is a state of being disconnected from your true self. It is ignoring that little voice inside you that says “This isn't the career you really want to be in,” or “You can’t keep doing this just for the money,” and “You don’t really agree with that point of view, why did you say that?” Over the years, we have been told not to trust the voices in our heads, that they are some psychotic tumor or disease. And because of this, many of us get scared of what we think. We think there is something wrong with us, that we are crazy. But in fact that very voice, or collection of voices, is the guiding light to our true selves. They are the only thing we really have. It is our gut, it is the authentic self we have been told to suppress for so many years.

 How Do I Listen to My Gut?

I have a feeling some people are going to ask that, and so I think it is a good idea to talk about that here. This is a very good question even though it might seem like it has a simple answer. The answer is simple, but to listen to your gut, you have to shut out all the other noise. If you want to listen to your gut, do this. Go about your day. When something comes to you in a flash, do it. For example, I was at the grocery store the other day, and a lady at the register had a highlighted streak in her hair. My initial reaction was to compliment her on how it looked. Not because I wanted to hit on her, but because what I immediately thought was, “hey, that looks good on her.” What I did next was become neurotic. I started thinking too much, “Will she take it the wrong way?” “What if I sound creepy?” “What if her boyfriend is the guy bagging the groceries?” By the time I got to my turn in line, I had talked myself out of a simple compliment, all because I didn't just listen to my gut. Instead, I became worried because I over thought the whole thing. Following our gut is going with instinct. Everything else is neurosis.

Take the Risk

Now, oh how fun it is to start off a sentence with that word—you are probably thinking, “Well, great. So now I have to quit my job because I hate it and I rather be a painter. How will  I survive with no consistent income?" Quitting your job is no easy task. I've been let go, and I've quit one other job until I found the balls to just say, “Screw it, I don’t care about the consequences, I can’t stand being this depressed anymore.” It took a good 5 years for me to wake up, so don’t feel rushed. But, if you feel like you are simply spinning wheels, think about making a change. In the time I've quit my job, I've created more opportunities for myself than I ever thought I would. If you don’t know me, I can be extremely shy. I get anxiety attacks from introducing myself to people, saying goodbye at parties, and talking to people in group settings. So for me to simply talk myself out of that and contact 15 different gyms, 10 different businesses, and pursue leads that had potential, it was like I was a completely different person. But how? Two things, being depressed felt much worse than being a little nervous before a phone call or social interaction. Second, my passion for fitness, nutrition, and health as a whole destroyed my preconceived fears of the unknown. The unknown, as I have realized, is conquered by doing, not thinking. So I just did, and it made all the difference.

What to Walk Away With

I know I've touched on a series of ideas and likely some very personal feelings and emotions. But what can you take away from this that might help you get this gist of my point

• Be authentic. Do what comes to you. If you think something in an instant, that is probably your gut, and it is a good idea to follow it. Enjoy where it takes you.
• Thinking can be your worst enemy. Learn to reduce your thinking by following your gut. Thinking is created from preconceived notions that we inherently make bad choices. While this may be true for some of us, it is better to learn this way than to create neurotic thinking and suffer from being disconnected from our true selves.
• Many of the reasons we are depressed come from a loss of connection from ourselves. We gain that back by listening to our inner voice. We have a clearer inner voice by reducing the amount of distractions in our lives.
• Do what you love. Money is very much a real necessity in life. But money can be made doing anything, so do not get stuck thinking you have to work a job you don’t like just to survive. If you pursue a career that is aligned with your passion, that passion will shine through and you will be considered more heavily for a job you love than a job you don’t love.
• Express yourself. Be it through any medium (writing, blogging, vlogging, painting, drawing, exercise, etc.). Your expression is a gift to the world regardless of how the world views it. Embrace your passions and the passion will come back to you.